Evolution is a cool and very strange process, and sometimes it can produce organisms that resemble a 4th grader’s drawing of a dream they had last night. Since I spend so much time on the internet, I have compiled a very special list that honors these glorious products of the universe! Furthermore, I have taken it upon myself to bestow year book superlatives. High School Style.
Animals that Prove the Universe/God/Zeus are on drugs
- The Silkie Chicken: “Best Smile”
Granted, a natural for the camera. But what’s it hiding? A judgmental glare? - The Hyrax: “Biggest Flirt”
Think this is a rat? A guinea pig? You are wrong. The closest relation to this furry beauty is a MANATEE - The Meishan Pig: “Most Likely to become Prime Minister”
- I am a Pig-person, they are smart, fat, lazy, and like to snuggle. This specific species is going to turn wrinkles into the next hot thing, and I wish that Japanese scientists would make me a tiny one.
It Knows.
- I am a Pig-person, they are smart, fat, lazy, and like to snuggle. This specific species is going to turn wrinkles into the next hot thing, and I wish that Japanese scientists would make me a tiny one.
- The Angora Rabbit: “Best Resting-Bitch-Face”
- A personal favorite of mine. Bunnies don’t love people, their cute faces are a lie. The Angora rabbit has solved this problem by hiding its hatred beneath several pounds of fluff. Though you can’t see its face, you know it’s pissed.
I still want it. As a pillow. Or a burger.
- A personal favorite of mine. Bunnies don’t love people, their cute faces are a lie. The Angora rabbit has solved this problem by hiding its hatred beneath several pounds of fluff. Though you can’t see its face, you know it’s pissed.
- The Proboscis Monkey: “Most Likely to Marry for Money”
- While possibly the ugliest primate to ever exist, it still looks like it knows the answer to all life’s problems. Or is easily offended.
“I only eat organic gluten-free fruit”
- While possibly the ugliest primate to ever exist, it still looks like it knows the answer to all life’s problems. Or is easily offended.
- The Potoo Bird: “Most Likely to write the next Twilight Series. In the dark. Alone.”
Serial Killer? X-Ray Vision? On bath salts? All three? - Alpaca: “Most Likely to Take Over the World via bio-chemical warfare”
- Gloster’s Canary: “Best Hair”
- Pygmy Seahorse: “Most Sarcastic”
- Though the smallest seahorse that has ever existed, the pygmy is a tough cookie. Very territorial, it protects its millimeter of Coral-branch by moving its little head and head-butting the other pygmy seahorses away.
- Though the smallest seahorse that has ever existed, the pygmy is a tough cookie. Very territorial, it protects its millimeter of Coral-branch by moving its little head and head-butting the other pygmy seahorses away.
- The Dugong: “Most Likely to Star in a Fitness Video”
- Fun fact: These sea cows can eat football field amounts of seagrass in a day. I may love manatees more than anything in the world, but I wouldn’t hate it if that dugong mouth eat cake off my stomach. Not in a sexual way, but I think it would feel nice. There. I said it.
“Touch Me”
- Fun fact: These sea cows can eat football field amounts of seagrass in a day. I may love manatees more than anything in the world, but I wouldn’t hate it if that dugong mouth eat cake off my stomach. Not in a sexual way, but I think it would feel nice. There. I said it.
- The Giant Sunfish: “Worst Attendance”
- These guys are huge and rare. They float on their sides on the surface of the ocean to eat plankton. Or tan. I am not the only one in awe of these weirdos: The Boston guy in the video below expresses my exact feelings on the subject.
- These guys are huge and rare. They float on their sides on the surface of the ocean to eat plankton. Or tan. I am not the only one in awe of these weirdos: The Boston guy in the video below expresses my exact feelings on the subject.
Thank You and stay tuned for more!
Painfully Average 
